A friend on mine mentioned a guy she wanted to set me up with. She told me he wanted me to friend him on FAcebook and that he was interested in meeting me.
We began to message, only he went out of town, then I went out of town so it turned into a tw0-week messaging fest. Then one day he said he needed to be honest, that he knows most girls want a relationship, but he’s just into casual dating and fun. I told him I love the idea of a summer fling but in reality I’m not sure if my feelings would get involved.
And then he dropped off a little and I wrote it off.
But then we ended up meeting last Wed, a spur-of-the-moment-he-was-by-my-work thing. I had on my ugliest dress and stupid shoes and I hadn’t done my hair that day.
But what the hell, YOLO, and he could either like me or not.
He liked me. We took a dip in a pool, then went out for a couple of beers. He kept talking about wanting to do other stuff together on a different day, and messaged me later that night and said it was good to meet me.
Maybe he could be my summer fling, like one of those random summer thunderstorms, and come in and take care of the Great Drought of 2016 because MY GOD I’ve been parched. (Also, don’t take that to mean my you-know-what is dried up and crusty because I maintain my shit and is that TMI but then again this whole thing might be TMI.)
But he’s been sporadic since, plus he said something kinda douchey Saturday. I didn’t reply to his comment, and I haven’t heard from him since.
And, to I guess prove to myself that there are plenty of other guys out there, I downloaded Tinder and started swiping.
Like this is what life is now, the time in between swipes?
So anyway, I noticed this one guy and I had a friend in common, a girl from my hometown of like 700 people. I asked how he knew her. Turns out he spent childhood summers in my tiny little off-the-grid hometown. And now he lives a few blocks away.
We met at the beach, had some drinks, went to dinner, watched the sunset. Almost a repeat of what I did with Rainbow months ago, with two differences: number one, the powerful connection and two, this time I did the bike ride of shame home this morning at 5:45 a.m. in my still-damp hot-pink bikini, crazy beach hair, and racing thoughts, because how am I supposed to feel about the fact that I just swiped right and hooked up? The first time in MY LIFE I’ve done something like that. And it wasn’t even with anyone I’m crazy about. Or necessarily care to see again.
He wants to date me. He already told me that.
But the truth is…that was not me. That was not my character. That was a thirsty version of me taking a drink from the first water hole I came across. But it’s not what I envisioned. I connected with him on a visceral level–and at that maybe only a 6 out of 10–but not much more.
Which makes me think maybe I don’t want a summer fling, after all. Maybe I want something deeper, something more real.
So now I gotta tell this guy, who thinks he’s already my boyfriend, who has already tagged me in two photos on Instagram, that this isn’t going to be a thing.
This was a fun way to blast off my summer, and damn it was tasty and, thank you God, it quenched my thirst (for now…) but it wasn’t who I really am or what I want.
Contrast brings clarity.
I guess summer flings are probably not for me.
thecrazyoflove 