I decided to give my love lift (and self-esteem) a boost and download an online dating app. Within a couple hours I had probably 50 matches. Most conversations were underwhelming, but the attention was nice.
One guy stood out because he was so good looking. He stopped messaging me after a day, but I also knew he had gone to Mexico for the weekend, so I remained hopeful.
Another guy asked me out for Tuesday evening, and then one asked me if I were going to the local street fair. We decided to meet up.
He was tall, good looking, stunning blue eyes. Former football player. Deep voice.Except that deep voice didn’t hide the fact that his words were slurred, and I couldn’t decide if he was drunk or just…dumb. The plan was to get a beer, but he said he needed to stop by a friend’s house.
On the way there, he asked if I party. Apparently he and his buddies had been in Tijuana until 5 a.m. They needed a pick-me-up. Which meant???
We had a beer at his friend’s house, where he told me I’m beautiful and that he wants to date me and make me his girlfriend. Um, it’s that easy?
My new boyfriend took me to grab some street fair food, at which point he asked me if I want kids and then said he’d be happy to “seed me up.”
Wow, I wish I’d known all along how easy it was to get a boyfriend and start popping out kids, maybe I should have tried this 10 or 15 years ago.
We made our way to the beer garden where I ran into some friends and promptly confirmed my suspicion that my new boyfriend wasn’t, in fact, boyfriend or even fuckboy material. As I stood there chatting with a work friend, he pointed to a needle mark in his arm and stated that he was STD free.
Good to know, because despite all that, my hormones were raging (dry spell is longer than the CA drought I swear) and I was four beers deep into thinking my morals and chastity weren’t really that important.
This was right before he very non-discreetly pulled a little baggie full of white powder out of his pocket and handed it to his friend. In front of my friends. Who, I had already explained to him, were work colleagues.
At this point I was trying to make an escape route. Another friend of mine joined us, and at some point, My Boyfriend Future-Seeder Hunk Boy disappeared, presumably to get a beer.
I saw him walk by a few minutes later with his arm around another girl.
I was devastated, obviously, because where would I find another catch like this?
I left with my friends and went for a sunset swim in the ocean. The Boyfriend texted and asked where I was, and then said it was a shame we’d gotten separated.
I didn’t hear from him the next day. I presumed he’d either dumped me or got caught up in some more STD testing, but he sent me a text today saying he was sorry we got separated and hoped to see me again soon.
I don’t even know what to say. So far, I’ve said nothing. I considered deleting the dating app, but I wanted the one hot boy to message me back.
He did. A one-liner I’m not sure I’ll respond to.
Oh, and the Tuesday nigh date? He’s no more. Yesterday he invited me to go kayaking, which would be super awesome if it didn’t involve his 6-year old daughter. I love the idea of kids and have zero opposition to dating a guy with kids. I might even prefer it. But the fact that he was willing to let me meet her on the first date was a glaring lack of appropriate healthy boundaries.
So I unmatched him and am contemplating going back to my dry spell, where there may not be dates but at least all hope isn’t going out the window with each swipe left.
thecrazyoflove 